COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

(someone sent me this email and I had to post it)

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.? What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.? What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".............
______________

The American Dream Can Be A Reality

Ten Tips to select a great townhouse, condo community.

Townhouses, condos and other association governed communities enable the average American to live "like a Hilton" affording such luxuries as swimming pool, spa, tennis courts, golf course, docks, river view , ocean view or health and fitness center - right in their own back yard.

Through shared ownership in a community residents can enjoy recreational facilities and amenities that otherwise would be cost prohibitive for them individually.

An additional benefit is that homeowners do not have direct responsibility for maintenance and they usually feature attractive combinations of well designed homes and landscaped open areas. Ownership in an association governed community can also save homeowners on property taxes and typically cost less than traditional housing due to more efficient use of land.

How do you know when a community is right for you?

Top 10 List of questions to ask and things to consider when purchasing a home or condo in an association governed community.

10. Think about how long you're going to stay in one place. You will also need to evaluate how your needs will change over the years abd plan for what will satisfy your needs in the future. (ie: planning a family, retirement..)

9. Give a lot of thought to what you want and know yourself. Are you looking for a social environment or just a quiet place to relax? Is a singles atmosphere for you? Will you take advantage of the arts and crafts classes? If you're not interested in the or sauna, you will still be paying for it in ongoing monthly association fees. Think about which amenities you, your family and your expected quests will get used on a regular basis.

8. Comparison shop. Visit several condos, tongues, homes to know what's available and to get a sense of prevailing prices. Find the right place for you and don't just settle.

7. Get pre-qualified for a mortgage. Obtain your credit report from all 3 credit reporting agencies, check it for errors, and then determine how much you can comfortably afford on a down payment. In New Jersey you can get FREE credit report once a year.

6. Find out if the community you are interested in has a good reputation. Ask current residents how often repairs and maintenance is required and how good the soundproofing is between units.

5. Check out parking, storage, security and other necessities. Make sure there is ample storage space to avoid future inconvenience. Ensure there is enough parking in cases when you've more than one vehicle. Understand what the parking rules are before you move in.

4. Ask to see the minutes from a recent meeting of the homeowners association for the community. Identify the hot button issues and the dynamics of the relationships between current members, the board and homeowners.

3. Check the homeowners association history of maintenance fees and special assessments to see how often they have been increased in the past 10 years and how large the increases have been. This information will help you gauge at what level you may be assessed in the future and indicates how well-managed the buildings and common ground are. Well managed associations grounds usually make for lower maintenance fees, and lessen the chance for special assessments to cover un budgeted repairs.

2. Factor these association maintenance fees into your personal budget, which are above and beyond your monthly mortgage payment.

1. Make an offer and close the deal to enjoy all the benefits of living in an association governed community. Participate in the process of running your community through board or committee service.

DISASTER READY

Being Prepared Ahead of Time

A disaster supplies kit should be an essential part of your family's mergency plan. Here are some things you should have on hand in case of disaster.

Clothing and bedding

• At least one change of clothes and footwear per person
• rain gear
• Blankets and sleeping bags
• Hat and gloves

Tools and Supplies

• Flashlight and extra batteries
• paper cups, plate and plastic utensils
• Cash, traveler's checks and change
• matches in Waterproos container
• non-electric can opener and utility knife
• battery operated radia and extra batteries

Sanitation

• Toilet paper towelettes
• Soap and liquid detergent
• Feminine suppkies
• Disinfectant , hand sanitizer and bleach

Food and Water

• Ready to eat canned meat, fruits, vegetables, jucie, milk and soup
• One gallon water per person per day

Special Items

• Medications - prescriptions and non prescriptions
• Documents like a lease, bank information and identifications (copies in a ziploc bag)
• Inventory of valuable
• Special Supplies for ederly and infants
• Also don't forget about your PETS

This is just a beginning. Customize this to your needs.

DON"T PROCRASTINATE!

"HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE":

(Here's an email I received just the other day,I hope it's not a hoax, I feel it is important. enough to publish)

HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE": (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!)
Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting (for women, sometimes it could be the right arm.)

Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.

Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms, as well as epigastric pain under the breastbone. 60% of people who have a heart attackwhile they are asleep do not wake up.

The more we know, the better chance we could survive...

Let's say it's 6:15 pm and you're driving home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You're tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately, you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

"HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE":

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.

However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously.

A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.

A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating.

The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm.

In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.

Tell as manyother people as possible about this. It could save their lives!! "

**PLEASE BE A "TRUE" FRIEND AND SEND THIS ARTICLE TO ALL YOUR FRIENDSYOU CARE ABOUT

Take Time

Take time to THINK...

It is the source of power.

Take time to to PLAY...

It is the secret of perpetual youth.

Take time to READ...

It is the fountain of wisdom.

Take time to PRAY...

It is the greater power on earth.

Take time to LOVE and

BE LOVED...

It is a God-given privelege.

Take time to BE FRIENDLY...

It is the road to happiness.

Take time to LAUGH...

It is the music of the soul.

Take time to GIVE..

It is too short a day to be selfish.

Take time to WORK...

It is the price of success.

Take time to DO CHARITY...
It is the key to heaven.


Words and actions I try to live by.

Sellers Are you Serious About SELLING?...

Saturday I was getting ready to show houses, so I started my usual routine, even though in this market it may not be neccessary one never knows. First I call the listing office to see if the property is still available. Second I look at the "listing" home info paperwork to see how it is to be shown, make appt, don't let cat out etc. ...

I could NOT believe how many of the houses on the market had some sort of restriction.

Hello this is a BUYERS market!!!

Are you interested in SELLING?

Then make it easy for the Buyers' Agent and Buyers to see the house!!!

And Yes I am screaming at the top of my lungs!!!!!

The frustration I was going through trying to set up the appointments, accomodate the listing agent, the owner and of course my buyers timing was absolutely insanity.

I can understand if you have a dog, that needs to be taken out or put in the garage or put in a cage while being shown. No Problem. I don't want it to munch on me or my buyers.

To NOT put a lock box on your door, to have your agent accompany me to let me in or the owner MUST be present or called ahead of time during the showings, that's ridiculous.
That's why I 'm calling 24 hours ahead of time to let you know, to prepare the house for the showing. ( Yes, sometimes it isn't 24 hours ahead of time and then whatever happens is fine, however NO LOCK BOX is inexcusable. Not showing it is also inexcusable; after all you are selling? Aren't you?)

It doesn't make it easy for me to explain to my buyers why I am going through all these hoops in order to show a property. They wonder "what kind of Realtor is she that she has to be let in?" or worse yet "Is the owner really interested in Selling?"
I can't tell you how many times I have had to field that question.

Speaking for myself, my buyers are pre-screened to make sure they can afford to purchase the properties I am showing. This is a business and I am NOT going to waste my time nor gas with "lookiloos" because it is raining outside and they want to waste time while at the "Jersey Shore". I am not a "Jersey Shore" House Tour Guide!

So SELLERS, when you read this explosive missive, think about the BUYERS that are interested in seeing your property, after all they are FEW and FAR APART.

SELLERS, make it easy to show, because believe me they are plenty of properties out there and I WILL show what is easy BEFORE anything is complex and convoluted that I can personally promise you (and I am sure other realtors feel the same way and may not express it out loud)!

This is NOT the time to sample the market and see what the market will bear.

You are either SELLING or NOT!

Math trick you Gotta Try...

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.

1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)

2 Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)

3. Multiply by 80

4. Add 1

5. Multiply by 250

6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number

7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.

8. Subtract 250

9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer?

HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE

Smile for the day

HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE

1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Housework".
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press mouse button firmly ......
7. Feel better?

How to get a Human Being on the Phone....

If ever you get annoyed trying to get a "real human"
on the phone for customer service, this might help
you:
http://gethuman.com/us/

House Passes Bill to Modernize FHA Loans

House Passes Bill to Modernize FHA

By a vote of 415 to seven (10 votes not cast) the U.S. House of Representatives passed The Expanding American Homeownership Act (H.R. 5121) on July 26, which will modernize and update the National Housing Act, and let the Federal Housing Administration (FHA) use new pricing structures to more effectively reach underserved borrowers. The bill now moves to the Senate.

The Act would:

Eliminate the current statutory 3% minimum down payment on FHA loans, reducing a significant barrier to homeownership. FHA's existing down payment requirement does not meet the demands of today's marketplace, where most first-time homebuyers put down 2% or less. FHA would also offer a variety of down payment options.

Create a new, risk-based insurance premium structure for FHA that would match the premium amount with the credit profile of the borrower. FHA would have the flexibility to charge a lower premium for low-risk borrowers.

Increase and simplify FHA's loan limits. FHA's loan limit in high-cost areas would rise from 87% to 100% of the Government Sponsored Entity conforming loan limit. In lower-cost areas from 48% to 65% of the conforming loan limit.

In many areas of the country, the existing FHA limits are lower than the cost of new construction, eliminating FHA financing as an option for buyers of new homes in those markets.

17 Truths to Remember

Truths to Remember

1. Faith is the ability not to panic

2. If you worry you didn't pray. If you pray don't worry

3. Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.

4. Do the math. Count your Blessings.

5. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.

6. Silence is often misinterpretated, but never misquoted.

7. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

8. The most important things in your home are the people and non people (pets)

9. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

10. There is no key to happiness. The door is alway OPEN

11. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

12. He who dies with the most toys....... is still DEAD

13. We do no remember days we remember moments. Life moves too fast, so enjpy your precious MOMENTS

14. Nothing is real, until you experience it; otherwise it's just hear say.

15. Its all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again......................................Just be sure to flush it when you're done.

16. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk taking. Learn from the turtle, it only make progress when it sticks out its neck.

17. Be more concerned with your character than you reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

"Author unknown"

11 Things Kids will NOT Learn in School

11 Things Kids will NOT Learn in School

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a high School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers in NOT beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as aboring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but Life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY ITEMS as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in Real Life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided not semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF> Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

The Greatest List to Live By

The most destructive habit..............................................Worry
The greatest Joy.........................................................Giving
The greatest loss.......................................Loss of Self Respect

The most satisfying work.......................................Helping Others
The ugliest personality..............................................Selfishness
The most endangered species..............................Dedicated Leaders

Our greatest natural resource......................................Our Youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"................................Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.........................................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill.................................Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease......................................Excuses
The most powerful force of life............................................Love

The most dangerous pariah...........................................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer................................The Brain
The worst thing to be without..............................................Hope

The deadliest weapon.................................................The Tongue
The two most power-filled words........................................"I Can"
The greatest asset........................................................Faith
The most worthless emotion............................................Self-pity

The most beautiful attire...................................................SMILE!
The most prized possession................................................Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication...............................Prayer
The most contagious spirit..............................................Enthusiasm

Solitude is a great place to visit
but a poor place to stay.

The more Real Estate Agents you use...

MYTH: "The more real estate agents you use to shop with, the better chance you'll have of seeing all the properties on the market and getting a good deal."

REALITY: With today's computerized multiple listing service and cooperation between real estate companies, buyers don't have to work with several agents to get to all the housing inventory. In fact, today, with buyer brokerage, agents show the best properties to their clients first. Buyers who link up with an agent and show loyalty to that agent get better service than buyers who skip from agent to agent.

IMPORTANT NUMBERS....

Everyone should have :)

George W Bush
(202) 456-1414

Pope Benedict XVI
00396/69 82

Vladimir Putin
007/095-205 25 11

Queen Elizabeth II
011-44-71/930-48 32

Rush Limbaugh
(800) 282 - 2882

For your important
Real Estate needs at the Jersey Shore, call:

Gloria Benaroch "Gloria B" for short
Direct:732-245-4031
Coldwell Banker REsidential Brokerage
Rusmon NJ 07760

A realtor gave me this at a seminar I thought it was the greatest! :)

Cities offering the best quality of life

Seven of the 10 highest-ranked cities that offer the best quality of life are in Western states, according to a study that identifies American "dreamtowns."

Topping the list is Bozeman (MT) where the weather can be very chilly but there are other attractive benefits such as a stunning mountain view and intellectual energy from Montana State University.

Bozeman also was No. 1 because its number of small businesses grew by almost 28 percent during the past five years, its population increased 15.3 percent in the same period and 41 percent of its residents have at least a bachelor’s degree.

American City Business Journals, a nationwide chain of weekly business newspapers, ranked the quality of life in small metropolitan areas. Its study looked at hundreds of cities with populations between 10,000 and 50,000 based on their per capita income and income growth, small business growth, ease of commuting, taxation, education and the number of available managerial and professional jobs.

These are the cities that rounded out the rest of the top 10:

• Jackson (WY)
• Durango (CO)
• Easton (MD)
• Laramie (WY)
• Edwards (CO)
• Kill Devil Hills (NC)
• Pierre (SD)
• Silverthorne (CO)
• Los Alamos (NM)

The study was inspired by increasing public interest in small-town life and business opportunities.

Did you know that more than 1.7 million people move from metropolitan areas to small cities or rural counties each year, according to U.S. Census Bureau research.

The study identifies the small communities that would be most attractive to people considering such a move.

NJ Race for Cure Sun Oct 29 2006

I am proud and just wanted to let you know that my neice is taking part in the Komen New Jersey Race for the Cure on Sunday, October 29, 2006.

The Komen Foundation raises money to fight against breast cancer. The best part is that 75% of funds raised stay in central and south New Jersey for education and screening programs.

You can make an online donation of $25, $50, $100 or any amount by visiting her personal donation page and helping me reach my fundraising goal. click on this link http://tinyurl.com/l2y47

Dining Out Review

My husband and I eat out a lot and as a result we visit a lot of restaurants. This weekend was nothing different except for 3 days in a row we had excellent meals.
Our tastes are very simple. I can't eat seafood (allergic) and my husband loves it.

So Friday night we went to a restaurant in Long Branch on Broadway, down by the Oak street liquors store. I had chicken broccoli and he had beef broccoli. The beef and chicken just melted in your mouth. The sauce was on the sweet side. We've eaten there before and the food is consistently good.

Saturday we went to listen to the concert in West End. Don't really want to talk about that. The cars on display were fantastic! This time we ate at Jessies a health food restaurant on Brighton Ave Long Branch. I remember when it used to be a health food and vitamin store. We ended up both of us ordering the chicken quesadilla. Wow! What a great surprise. While it did have some black beans they were not overwhelming the chicken was very nicely spiced and again not overdone and not smothered in cheese.

Finally Sunday night we went to Jack-a-Bob in Union Beach. What a great little place. It is in the Bayshore area and if you're not familiar with our area it is along the bay water and not the ocea. The resataurant sits ontop of pilings and when it is high tide you are literally sitting above the water a little uncanny and needs getting used to. We've been there before and were disappointed with the food about 2 to 3 years ago. We've heard rumblings that the food was good so we went to try it out again and if the food was not great the surroundings were fantastic. You can see the New York skyline, Staten Island and Brooklyn on a cloudless day or night. So with that we were very pleasantly surprised. We had bruschetta for appetizer, now most will not like this as the bread was not hard toasted. I loved it just because of that. I had angel hair scampi with chicken and oh boy was that good not many places offer that. My husband had some sort of assorted sea food dish over angel hair pasta and he said that the seafood was very fresh. The place even looked and smelled clean compared to past times. I highly recommend going their for the ambiance not many places around like it.
Well that's it for this week's food critic hope you like and will try these places out. will post addresses and phone numbers also as soon as I find the match books.

September 2006 Local Happenings

September 1 - Annual Ocean Grove Memorabilia Auction will begin at 5 pm at the Youth Temple, Ocean Grove. A preview will be held from 3-5 pm. Call (732) 774-1869 or go to www.oceangrovehistory.org

September 2 - Stroll the Annual Craft Show from 9 am to 4 pm on the boardwalk in Ocean Grove. Call (732) 774-1869 or go to www.oceangrovehistory.org

September 2 - Enjoy the sweet sounds of the Jazz Fest from 3 to 10 pm. This is a great festival featuring well-known Jazz & Blues Artist on the Great Lawn by the Promenade, Long Branch. Call (732) 923-2044 www.longbranch.org

September 3 - Highlands 6th Annual Classic Car Show will run from 11 am to 3 pm at Huddy Park, Bay Ave, Highlands. Call (732) 291-4713 or go to www.highlandsnj.com

September 3 - Check out the Big Band Swing Night starting at 5 pm. This show, featuring the Jazz Lobsters as well as a dance contest, will be held at the Municipal Parking Lot Brighton Av, Long Branch. Call (732) 923-2044 or go to www.longbranch.org

September 6 - Brookdale Community College invites the public to view a moving pre and post 9/11 photograph tribute by award winning local photographers Gary Gellman, Howell, and Veronica L. Yankowski, Bloomfield. The special exhibit will be on display at the Western Monmouth Branch Campus, 3680 Route 9 South, Freehold, September 6 - 20. Monday through Thursday viewing hours will be 10 am to 7 pm and Fridays from 10am to 5 pm. The exhibit is free and the public is invited to a Meet the Artist reception in the gallery Monday, September 11 from 5:00 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. A special invitation is extended to middle and high school students to attend the reception and ask the photographers about their work. The Western Monmouth Branch Campus is located behind the Bank of America. The photographs will be on display in room 101. For more information regarding the reception and exhibit, call 732-625-7005.

September 7 - Enjoy the sounds of Bobby Byrne with Irish Songs & Humor starting at 7 pm at the Huisman Gazeboon Ocean Ave & So. Lake Dr in Belmar. Call (732) 681-3700 or go to www.belmar.com

September 7 thru 10 Eastern Surfing Assoication Tournament 7am to 4pm at the 17th avencue Beach 732-681-3700

September 7 thru September 10 Riverfest at Monmouth Park 12 noon. Top contemporary jazz artists, wine tasting, arts & Crafts festival. Children's rides & activites. Monmouth Park Race track Oceanport

September 7 thru 10 Annual NHRA Lucas Oil Sportsman Dragg Racing Series at raceway PArk 230 Pension Rd. Englishtown Call 732-446-7800

September 9 - Steamboat Dock Museum’s Annual Arts & Crafts Holiday Bazaar featuring Fall & Holiday Items at the Steamboat Dock Museum and happily sponsored by the Keyport Historical Society. Baked goods and Lunch, great soup, desserts, refreshments will be for sale. Admission is free. The Steamboat Dock Museum is located on Broad Street on the Bay, Keyport. Please call the following member’s phone number for additional information, Eloise at (732) 264-5097 or the Keyport Historical Society (732) 739-6390

September 9 - Long Branch Day features broadway classic 5k & Annual bocce ball and horsehsoe competition. 732-923-2044

September 9 - Author lecture and book signing by Vietnam veteran, Carey J. Spearman, featuring his newest book, "36 Years and a Wake-Up," about his recent return to Vietnam, will be presented by the New Jersey Vietnam Veterans' Memorial Foundation at 1 pm at the Vietnam Era Educational Center, located adjacent to the Memorial in Holmdel, off Exit 116 of the Garden State Parkway. Suggested donation $5. Call (732) 335-0033 or go to www.njvvmf.org.

September 9 - Oceanport Festival 30th Annual Anniversary Summe's End. Live bands, food, fire works, spin art, face paiting, sand art and much more. Blackberry Bay, Port Au Peck Ave and Horicon 732-688-4922

September 9 - Giant Fall Flea Market 9am to 4pm Ocean Pathway Ocean Grove 732-7741391

September 9 & 10 - The Pine Creek Railroad of Historic Allaire State Park once again will celebrate Railroaders Weekend. As always, everything that runs, does. Multiple trains, multiple locomotives, shop tours, displays, exhibits, much more. Train fare is $5 per person, rest of show is FREE. Trains leave every half hour from 11 am to 4:30 pm. Located in Historic Allaire State Park, 4265 Route 524 Atlantic Ave., Allaire (Wall Twp) NJ, two miles west of GSP Exit 98 and Route 34, one mile east of I-195 Exit 31. Call 732-938-5524 for info, or visit online at http://rd.bcentral.com/?ID=4414179&s=50852572

September 10 - The Jersey Coast Chapter of the American Red Cross is pleased to host the 9th Annual Rock 'n Ride Bike Tour. A leisurely day is planned for fun in the sun, with music, prizes and refreshments for families and friends. Riders can cruise a 10-mile course (beginning at 9:30 a.m.) or peddle the 40-mile trek (beginning at 9:00 a.m.) stretching the length of the island. The tour will take you through some of Long Beach Island's historic parks, beautiful communities and scenic areas. Pre-registration is $15 for adults and $10 for children (12 and under). For more information about the Rock 'n Ride Bike Tour, please feel free to call Nicole at 1-888-853-6550, ext. 227 or visit http://www.jerseycoast-redcross.org/

September 10 - What are beach plums, where do you find them and how do you make jelly out of them? Those are some questions visitors will have answered at the 9th annual Beach Plum Festival in Island Beach State Park. In addition to a craft show, there will be environmental displays and talks. There will also be bird banding and lifeguard demonstrations, games for children and beach walks, all set in one of New Jersey's most beautiful seascapes. “The Return of the Peregrine Falcon” which was filmed at Island Beach Park will be shown. There will be several food vendors and a kayak donated by Yakkity-Yaks will be raffled. The Glimmer Grass Band will provide live entertainment throughout the day. Activities begin at 9 am and continue until 4 pm. Contact: Island Beach State Park Diane Bennett at 732-793-1698

September 10 - Red Bank Street Fair Join us on Monmouth Street for food, live music & more 732-842-4244

September 10 - Carson & Barnes Circus 1pm Beers St. Field Hazlet come early to see the big top go up and the animals roll in. 732-739-0653

September 11 - ‘Faux Finishes’program will be presented by Anne Marie Reedy hosted by the Keyport Historical Society located on Broad Street on the Bay, Keyport. The program starts at 7:30 pm. Call (732) 739-6390

September 12 - The Middlesex County Regional Chamber of Commerce will host its 14th Annual Largest Networking Party, celebrating its commitment to businesses in Central New Jersey. The festivities run from 5 to 8 pm, on the Rooftop of the Hyatt Regency, New Brunswick. The Chamber anticipates over 120 exhibitors this year including: Johnson & Johnson, Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital, Wachovia Bank, N.A., Net Access Corporation, Allied Office Products, Middlesex County College, Magic 98.3/ WCTC, 1450AM, PNC Bank, United Way of Central Jersey, and Berkeley College. Attendees, exhibitors, and sponsors are urged to register promptly, as space is limited. Early bird tickets are still available at $25 each (door rate is $35). For details call 732-821-1700, email LNP@mcrcc.org, or on their website www.mcrcc.org.

September 16 - Trenton Jazz Festival starts at 2 pm at the State House Complex.(at Barrack & Lafayette St). This is an Outdoor Festival (Rain or Shine) For More Info Call: Division of Culture At (609) 989-3353 / Purchase Tickets At: War Memorial Box Office / Sound of Trenton Charge by Phone: 1-800-955-5566 or Online At: http://www.tickets.com/ For Directions: http://rd.bcentral.com/?ID=4414161&s=50852572

September 16 - Monmout Park Thoroughbred Festival 11:30 am Celebrate NJ breeding by honoring the best born in th Garden State

September 16 - Antique and Craft MArket 9am to 4pm Antiques, collectables, crafts Asbury Memorabilia Bradley Park Convention Hall Asbury Park 732-778-4706

Local Jersey Shore Happenings! August 2006 Updated!!

Local Happenings In Monmouth County!
August 14 to 18 - ShoreDance 2006 is a weeklong festival of dancing with all-day workshops in Jazz, Hip-Hop & Afro-Modern Dance at the Algonquin Arts Theatre 173 Main St, Manasquan. Call (732) 528-9211 or go to www.algonquinarts.org

August 14 - Enjoy a Twilight Victorian Lantern Tour of Centennial Cottage in Ocean Grove beginning at 7:30 pm. Call (732) 774-1869 or go to www.oceangrovehistory.org

August 14 - Check out an outdoor film - Flipper - projected on the tower wall of the Algonquin Arts Theatre located at 173 Main St, Manasquan at 8:30 pm. Bring your own Chair. Call (732) 528-9211 or go to www.algonquinarts.org

August 15 - Unitarian Universalist Meeting House, 1475 West Front Street, Lincroft, NJ. Don't let those vocal cords get rusty over the summer! The Shrewsbury Chorale invites singers in all voice parts to participate in the annual Summer Sing. Meet new people who share a love of singing or get reacquainted with old friends in the relaxed setting of the Summer Sing. Repertoire: Randall Thompson's Last Words of David, Howard Hanson's Song of Democracy and Franz Schubert's Mass in G. Music provided. Refreshments served. $5 admission fee Info call: 732-776-5276 or visit www.shrewsburychor

August 15 - Don't let those vocal cords get rusty over the summer! The Shrewsbury Chorale invites singers in all voice parts to participate in the annual Summer Sing. Meet new people who share a love of singing or get reacquainted with old friends in the relaxed setting of the Summer Sing. Repertoire: Randall Thompson's Last Words of David, Howard Hanson's Song of Democracy and Franz Schubert's Mass in G. Music provided. Refreshments served. $5 admission fee and will be held at Unitarian Universalist Meeting House, 1475 West Front Street, Lincroft. Info call: 732-776-5276

August 15 - Enjoy the sounds of the Highlands Tuesday Concert Series featuring Liquid Orange at 7 pm at Veteran's Park, Bay Ave, Highlands. Call (732) 291-4713 or go to www.highlandsnj.com

August 16 - Love poetry? Write some of your own? Why not share with the Poetry Group at Barnes and Noble on Rt. 9 in Freehold tonight at 7:30 pm. It is Open Mic and that means it's your turn to be in the limelight! Tonight, the theme is Changing Seasons, so bring your original work or a favorite poem to the meeting. It will be hosted by Rene McCallum. Call (732) 409-2929

August 16 - The Whiteys will be performing as part of the Summer Beach Concert On Beach series at area E Gateway National Park at Sandy Hook. Showtime is 6 pm. For rain cancellations call 732-291-7733 or (732) 872-5970 or go to www.nps.gov/gate

August 17 - Be At The Big Kick-Off! Reserve Your Place in High Stepping History! Be part of the Rockette-style line-up that's determined to break the Guinness World Record at the Algonquin Arts Theatre located at 173 Main St, Manasquan at 7 pm. Call (732) 528-9211 or go to www.algonquinarts.org

August 17 - Freehold Summer Concert Sensational this week will feature Soul Cruisers starting at 7:30 pm at the Hall of Records Parking Lot East Main St, Freehold. Call (732) 462-3584 or go to www.freeholdcenter.com

August 17 - Come dancing at the Belmar Thursday Social Dancing at the Taylor Pavilion at Silver Lake Park located on 5th & Ocean Aves in Belmar. The dancing starts at 8 pm. Call (732) 681-3700 or go to www.belmar.com

August 17 to 20 - Head on over to the Colts Neck Country Fair where there will be fun for everyone at Bucks Mill Park located at 105 Bucks Mill Rd in Colts Neck. Fair hours are as follows: Th & Fri 5-11 pm; Sat 4-11 pm; Sun 2-8 pm. Call (732) 462-8500 or go to www.coltsneckfair.com

August 18 - Belmar Arts Council and P.A.C.K.M.A.N. presents the Young Musicians Showcase at Taylor Pavilion from 7 to 10 pm featuring White Bus and others. For details call 732.280.8398

August 19 - The Lakewood Elks presents a Comedy Dinner Show featuring Tom Cermack, Pete Michaels and Joseph Anthony. Tickets are $20 in advance and $25 at the door. The dinner is included along with a cash bar. Tickets available at the Lodge located at 1432 711 W. Kennedy Blvd.in Lakewood or from Officers and participating members. Please call the Lodge for more info and directions. Contact person: Jackie Kobi 732-797-1956

August 19 - Peter, Paul and Mary. The trio returns for all generations to love and sing at The Great Auditorium located on Pilgrim Pathway in Ocean Grove. The show starts at 8 pm. Call 732-988-0645 or go to www.oceangrove.org

August 19 & 20 - Monmouth County Friends of Clearwater's 31st Annual Festival. There will be top name national & local performers, environmental displays, storytelling, crafters & food from 11:30 am to 7 pm at Sunset Park in Asbury Park. Call (732) 872-9644 or go to www.clearwatermc.org

August 19 & 20 - Enjoy a bit of the islands at the Caribbean Beach Party from 12 noon to 5 pm. Enjoy Caribbean Cuisine & DJ, Calypso Band, Hair Braiding & Face Painting on Ocean Ave on the Beach & Boardwalk in Asbury Park. Call (732) 775-3533 or go to www.cityofasburypark.com

August 21 - Enjoy an outdoor film - Beauty and the Beast- projected on the tower wall of the Algonquin Arts Theatre located at 173 Main St, Manasquan. Showtime is 8:30 pm. Bring your own chair. Call (732) 528-9211 or go to www.algonquinarts.org

August 22 - The Trenton Thunder is holding a 'Route One Corridor Baseball Night'! The Princeton Chapter of BNI has taken out a table at this game. For Reservations or for more information please call: Harold Laudien, 609.951.0900

August 22 - 75th Anniversary of the Manasquan Inlet. Come be part of the joint celebration in Manasquan, Brielle, Point Pleasant Beach and Boro. There will be many festivities including a boat parade, ribbon cutting, and a 47 ft Coast Guard Boat. Call (732) 223-8303 or go to www.manasquanchamber.com for schedule of events

August 22 - Movies in Riverside Gardens Park presents Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory at 8:45 pm at the Riverside Gardens Park in Red Bank. Call (732) 842-4244 or go to www.redbankrivercenter.org

August 24 - The Sea Girt Chamber of Commerce is proud to sponsor their annual Sand Sculpting Contest at the Chicago/Brooklyn Beach in Sea Girt. The age groups are 4-6, 7-9, and 10-12. The 4-6 groups will work in teams; ages 7 and up, individually. Adults may coach, but may not touch. Prizes will be awarded to the 4 best sculptures in each age group, and all participants receive a T-shirt and a coupon for one free ice cream cone. Sculpturing begins at 9am and judging will take place at 10:30am by members of the Sea Girt Planning Board. Rain date is August 25th

August 26 - Keyport Knights of Columbus invites you to our 9th annual running of the $1.98 Beauty Contest. Don't miss out on a night of fun and laughter with friends and family. Location: St. Joseph's Council 3402, Hwy 35 North, Keyport NJ 07735 Information: All of our previous shows sold out. Please call 732-264-9729 or Bill at 908-601-0448