COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

(someone sent me this email and I had to post it)

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.? What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.? What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers.? What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START".............
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The American Dream Can Be A Reality

Ten Tips to select a great townhouse, condo community.

Townhouses, condos and other association governed communities enable the average American to live "like a Hilton" affording such luxuries as swimming pool, spa, tennis courts, golf course, docks, river view , ocean view or health and fitness center - right in their own back yard.

Through shared ownership in a community residents can enjoy recreational facilities and amenities that otherwise would be cost prohibitive for them individually.

An additional benefit is that homeowners do not have direct responsibility for maintenance and they usually feature attractive combinations of well designed homes and landscaped open areas. Ownership in an association governed community can also save homeowners on property taxes and typically cost less than traditional housing due to more efficient use of land.

How do you know when a community is right for you?

Top 10 List of questions to ask and things to consider when purchasing a home or condo in an association governed community.

10. Think about how long you're going to stay in one place. You will also need to evaluate how your needs will change over the years abd plan for what will satisfy your needs in the future. (ie: planning a family, retirement..)

9. Give a lot of thought to what you want and know yourself. Are you looking for a social environment or just a quiet place to relax? Is a singles atmosphere for you? Will you take advantage of the arts and crafts classes? If you're not interested in the or sauna, you will still be paying for it in ongoing monthly association fees. Think about which amenities you, your family and your expected quests will get used on a regular basis.

8. Comparison shop. Visit several condos, tongues, homes to know what's available and to get a sense of prevailing prices. Find the right place for you and don't just settle.

7. Get pre-qualified for a mortgage. Obtain your credit report from all 3 credit reporting agencies, check it for errors, and then determine how much you can comfortably afford on a down payment. In New Jersey you can get FREE credit report once a year.

6. Find out if the community you are interested in has a good reputation. Ask current residents how often repairs and maintenance is required and how good the soundproofing is between units.

5. Check out parking, storage, security and other necessities. Make sure there is ample storage space to avoid future inconvenience. Ensure there is enough parking in cases when you've more than one vehicle. Understand what the parking rules are before you move in.

4. Ask to see the minutes from a recent meeting of the homeowners association for the community. Identify the hot button issues and the dynamics of the relationships between current members, the board and homeowners.

3. Check the homeowners association history of maintenance fees and special assessments to see how often they have been increased in the past 10 years and how large the increases have been. This information will help you gauge at what level you may be assessed in the future and indicates how well-managed the buildings and common ground are. Well managed associations grounds usually make for lower maintenance fees, and lessen the chance for special assessments to cover un budgeted repairs.

2. Factor these association maintenance fees into your personal budget, which are above and beyond your monthly mortgage payment.

1. Make an offer and close the deal to enjoy all the benefits of living in an association governed community. Participate in the process of running your community through board or committee service.

DISASTER READY

Being Prepared Ahead of Time

A disaster supplies kit should be an essential part of your family's mergency plan. Here are some things you should have on hand in case of disaster.

Clothing and bedding

• At least one change of clothes and footwear per person
• rain gear
• Blankets and sleeping bags
• Hat and gloves

Tools and Supplies

• Flashlight and extra batteries
• paper cups, plate and plastic utensils
• Cash, traveler's checks and change
• matches in Waterproos container
• non-electric can opener and utility knife
• battery operated radia and extra batteries

Sanitation

• Toilet paper towelettes
• Soap and liquid detergent
• Feminine suppkies
• Disinfectant , hand sanitizer and bleach

Food and Water

• Ready to eat canned meat, fruits, vegetables, jucie, milk and soup
• One gallon water per person per day

Special Items

• Medications - prescriptions and non prescriptions
• Documents like a lease, bank information and identifications (copies in a ziploc bag)
• Inventory of valuable
• Special Supplies for ederly and infants
• Also don't forget about your PETS

This is just a beginning. Customize this to your needs.

DON"T PROCRASTINATE!

"HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE":

(Here's an email I received just the other day,I hope it's not a hoax, I feel it is important. enough to publish)

HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE": (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!)
Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting (for women, sometimes it could be the right arm.)

Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.

Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms, as well as epigastric pain under the breastbone. 60% of people who have a heart attackwhile they are asleep do not wake up.

The more we know, the better chance we could survive...

Let's say it's 6:15 pm and you're driving home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You're tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately, you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

"HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE":

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.

However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously.

A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.

A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating.

The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm.

In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.

Tell as manyother people as possible about this. It could save their lives!! "

**PLEASE BE A "TRUE" FRIEND AND SEND THIS ARTICLE TO ALL YOUR FRIENDSYOU CARE ABOUT